The Revolution Is Not Being Televised.
"On Your Feet. Or On Your Knees."

Saturday, June 5, 2004

Beowulf here --

How's this for a news craptacular-
Courtney Love has a new friggin' comic being made in Japan.
Manga giant TOKYOPOP is joining forces with controversial singer Courtney Love
to create an all-new manga series loosely based on Love's experiences
and fueled by her passion for manga! Princess Ai a shoujo fantasy series
is based on character designs of Ai (Paradise Kiss) Yazawa
and the "creative vision" of DJ (Karma Klub) Milky.
" Princess Ai is the story of a smart and talented,
yet controversial young woman who utilizes the public stage
not only for self-expression but also to hide from her assailants,"
said TOKYOPOP's PR guru, Kristien Brada-Thompson.
"She is the princess of a mysterious, unknown land,
who has escaped to our world and is now taking refuge
in the bustling nightclubs of Kabushiki-cho."

Excuse me while I barf.
A comic is the only way this butt ugly pinhead is EVER going to be cute, smart or talented.
Loosely based on her experiences? What, flashing Letterman,
bashing an audience member in the head with a microphone stand?
Having her 'boyfriend' blow his brains out?
(Wouldn't you?).
She looks and acts like the victim of a constant gang 'jump-in'.
A princess? Rule this. Byte me.

Speaking of people who are where they are because of somebody else,
check this crap-
Kelly Osborne keeps a voodoo doll of pop rival,
(She wishes),
Christina Aguilera in her dressing room,
where, obsessed, shouts 'scream bitch' as she sticks pins in the effigy,
throws it around and stamps on its head then bursts into fits of laughter.
No word if Aguilera has trademarked Christina voodoo dolls yet.

Ohh Mah Gawd...
Creed's disbanding !
8 years, 3 albums, finally, it's over.
The passing out, the lawsuits...
(Breath a sigh of relief, their tired crap is dead).

Bon Jovi's thinking of releasing a 4 boxed set of songs no one's heard before.
I hope it's better than his last new release no one's heard before.
-Yeah, that tired crap that sounds like a bad cover band doing you. Byte me.

Slipknot on AOL.
Remember when they were cool?

...Phish...
...Gone...
...dude...
(If you remember a Phish concert...you weren't there).

Prince is back !!!!!! Word on the street is he's no longer in his "Weird" phase.
He's got a great gimmick going, and he's performing true to himself once again.
Amazing concert! Free CD too! You've got to admire his ability to
creatively market his music to the masses.
(Sixty bucks a pop.)

KISS is on tour again!!!! What happened to the "Final Farewell Tour" in 2000?!?
With the pyrotechnics, fireworks and a flying Paul Stanley?
(What a great show).
"I hope the four guys who make up the group, whose names don't matter,
are putting money away for the future. The near future, because KISS won't be around long."
Seattle Daily Times, May 27, 1974.
(Ha, Ha,...whatta dork!).
From the 70's to now, they're still rockin' all night long!
(I respect 'em just for that.)
Go see 'em if they get anywhere near you.
M'Kay?
'KAY!

And finally, for this week,
Eminem , buy your brother a studio but screw your mom?
Your M-M-M-M-Mother ?
IT'S ALWAYS BACK TO YOUR MOTHER!!!
WHY DON'T YOU J-J-J-JUST WORK IT OUT, OK ?!?
Sheesh...Slim Shady this...Byte me.

"Think For Yourself" ©
Beowulf

Saturday, June 12th 2004

First, I'd like to say how sad it is that a true genius of Soul and R & B,
Mr. Ray Charles , has passed on. He has left us with a great legacy that
will be forever cherished by many of us. Bless you.
Everyone else, move up one.

Now then, let's jump right in shall we?

She's a Ho - hum dept.
Tyra Banks made a music video called "Shake Ya Body".
Here's a lyric sample:
Let me say this
Your body's callin' me
I can hear it speak
So let me please you
Just grab my hips real tight
And enjoy the ride
It's up to you
To make me feel the heat
And let me know if you can keep up with me.

You're a Ho. OK. We get it.
Now Hear This ! Stop it !!!!!

Not even the pitch corrector or special effects are helping.
Your strained, flat vocals only make me cringe and miss the underwear shots.
I'd rather hear William Hung mangle She Bangs.
Or William Shatner do Mr. Tambourine Man.
Tyra honey, just stick to prancing around half naked and keep your mouth shut.
And Mr. Grammy winner Rodney Jerkins, WTF were you thinking?
(Boat payment due, or did you just 'enjoy the ride'?). Byte me.

MTV, VH1, and FUSE want to censor the word 'pants'
from Avril Lavigne's latest "Don’t Tell Me" music video.
...Yep,... I thought that too.
Here's the line:
"Don't think that your charm and the fact that your arm/
Is now around my neck will get you in my pants / I'll have to kick your ass,"
What are you guys doing down there ?
(The FCC farts, and you roll over and play dead.)

Local bookies in London are offering 3-1 odds that
Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will divorce by the end of this year.
They are also offering odds for other things,
including if she will reach or beat Elizabeth Taylor's record of 7 marriages.
Any takers? I'm going for the spread.

Last chance to see Simon and Garfunkel during their grueling summer tour.
They may not get together again. They see no reason to.
If you like 'em go. If not, fuggedaboudit.

Yeeeooooooww!!!!!
Milk through my nose...
Man... I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
Kelly Clarkson wants "American Idol" on her tombstone.
With all due respect, Byte me.

Cradle of Filth cancels their tour of Greece.
The Airlines wouldn't let 'em on.
It looks like we're not the only ones with flight problems.
Not that I'm a big fan, but I really like Her Ghost in the Fog.

I know this next piece isn't music related,
but that new movie "White Girls" with the Wayans boys
really gives me the creeps.
Kevin ? Marcus ? Sorry. I mean, Brittany ? Tiffany ?
Is there something you'd like us to know ?
You say you like guys wearing rubber female face masks ?
Here.
Eeeeeewwwwww. Eee-Pee-Cray. For me anyway.
(I live in a sexually hip city, so piss off !)

The RIAA is at it again.
477 additional US residents sued for a total of 2,454.
(They ended the amnesty program).
So for 69 defendants, 14 universities, (89 students),
and everyone else, you're all SOL. (Pay the man).

The big labels never learn.
5 majors jumping on the iTunes bandwagon are renegotiating pricing terms.
True to form, they're raising the download price of popular items
from $0.99 to $1.25, and the CD price from $9.99 to $16.99.

I'm beginning to think Los Angeles has lost its' collective mind.

Locally, Audio Box Studios is continuing their success with Sushi Sunday
at Club Milk in the Haight. They are working with local bands as well as
independent promoters and organizations. Bands4Bands, AMP3.org,
Lommon Productions, Super Speedway records, Alcholocaust Presents,
Manifest Productions, and Crackwhore Presents.
A big thanks to DJ Ace Annese for keeping it all together.
Ace, 5 bands, and free! (Take that L.A.!).

Also, TheWulfBytes welcomes Tony Espinoza's new state of the art
recording studio, SF Soundworks. Competition is tough and dollars are tight.
And there's a rich studio history here with Plant Studios, Fantasy Studios,
as well as the smaller recording facilities like Tiny Telephone, Closer Recordings,
and Last Stop Records, to fit any budget. Here's a California Directory for you.

Cris Kirkwood , Bass player for the Meat Puppets is currently in critical condition.
He was shot by a security guard at a post office in Phoenix, Arizona.
While Cris is arguing with another customer over a parking space,
a security guard approaches, Cris pushes the guard,
takes the guard's baton away from him,
and then hits the guard in the head with it.
The guard then shoots Cris in the stomach. Get well soon Cris....bonehead.

If you're releasing a new album, you're going to have a new FBI warning
next to the UPC symbol on the album jacket. It ain't small either.
"The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal.
Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain,
is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to five years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000."

Be prepared to have this large symbol
screw up your artwork.
Record companies should make better CD's
without all that 'behind the band' crap on it that will
hijack your PC and/or make it unplayable in many devices.

And finally for this week -

(No not Courtney's latest idiocy - too easy),
EMI head of recorded music, Alain Levy is giving himself
a huge 42% pay raise, a 5 year share incentive plan, plus a bonus on sales.
We're talking huge wads of cash just for himself.
Norah Jones, Coldplay and Robbie Williams have helped their coffers.
With the global market down 5.6%, shouldn't he be more concerned with
making better records and supporting new artist development rather than stuffing his pockets?
Byte Me.

"Think For Yourself" ©
Beowulf

Saturday, June 19th 2004

Hi Truth Seekers ! Beowulf again with the news I choose.

I'm going to start off this week with -- So you think you've got it bad ??

British female rocker Sarah Harding of the all girl band 'Girl's Aloud' is thinking about
quitting the band. The girls are at war with their bosses at Polydor for being
told, " ...when I can go out, who I can talk to, what I can say, who I should be dating,
and what I must do. We just seem to work, work, work and nothing else...crazy hours --
from early morning until late at night, seven days a week. I've worked like a dog and
don't have a lot to show for it. I don't have millions in the bank, I have no money".
Their #1 debut single, 'Sound of the Underground' sold 213,000 copies the first week.
Despite that, the girls get an allowance of 80 pounds a day, which they must use to pay
for flats owned by Polydor in London. The girls, ages 18 - 23, have been
Banned from going to parties by their manager Louis Walsh, even after winning
Best Band at London's Glamour Magazine awards last week.

I don't know about you, but that's f**ked up.
Can you say, 'Indentured Servitude' ?
To everybody out there - Read your contracts first !!!
To Louis Walsh and Polydor, Byte Me.

Now, on to the 'Watch your fat-back' Dept.

Louisiana Chef Johnny "Jambalaya" Percle is suing Smokey Robinson for
Copyright infringement. Mr. Percle has for years used the slogan
"Soul in Yo Bowl" to sell his gumbo and jambalaya.
He had even catered an event for Smokey Robinson.
Mr. Robinson has since teamed up with California based SFGL Foods and
will introduce "Smokey Robinson's Soul in the Bowl" line, featuring frozen
Louisiana gumbo. They're on sale now in Chicago with distribution in California
later this month and a national rollout by the end of the year.
A lawyer for SFGL foods said he is aware of the lawsuit.
He adds, "It doesn't sound like it has merit".
Mr. Percle may be able to argue 'first use', but the Trademark office
shows Smokey and SFGL filed on 11/17/03.
Folks, I can't say this enough - Protect yourself !!!!!!
Trademark fees are $335.00 and the process takes at least a year.

Fans who purchased tickets for Christina Aguilera's cancelled tour from her official site's fan club got news at this point, they won't be getting a refund for their tickets unless they can obtain a reversal from their credit card issuer. AzoffMusic Management on behalf of Christina Aguilera wrote:
"We are writing to you to let you know how sorry Christina feels that you have not received
your refunds from FansRule. When we hired FansRule it was with the belief that they would
provide the best possible service to our fans. In fact, for a long time, they did provide an excellent service. When Christina cancelled her tour, as a result of doctor's instructions related to voice problems, we immediately contacted FansRule and insisted that they pay refunds to everyone who bought packages to the tour.
Our expectation was that the refunds would be made by May 31. We have been actively and aggressively pursuing FansRule to cause them to refund the money but, as of this date, our efforts have been unsuccessful. To the extent that you are able we would suggest that you contact your credit card company and cancel the transaction because
the intended goods that you purchased were not delivered." FansRULE filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in November 2003, yet Aguilera's management apparently failed to relay this vital information to fans that purchased the tickets well after the bankruptcy filing, and it appears despite that important omission, Aguilera isn't willing to eat the costs to cover for her most loyal fans.

That's just wrong. Period.
Christina, with all your product licensing recently,
you need to step up to the plate and pony up.
The onus is on you. Unless you like pissing your fans off.
And if that's the case, I'm sold, Byte Me.

I'd like to send my best wishes to Ramones guitarist, Johnny Ramone,
and his lovely wife Linda. Johnny, (John Cummings 55), is in the hospital
due to an infection related to prostate cancer.
Best wishes and Godspeed on your recovery Johnny !

And finally for this week-

The artist formerly known as Madonna has jumped on the Kabbalah bandwagon.
Now she wants to be known by her self-chosen Hebrew name, Esther.
Unless she's onstage. (Swearing fines indeed.)
Ummmm,... you know what Louise ?, (It's Louise Madonna Ciccione).
Byte Me.

"Think For Yourself" ©
Beowulf

Saturday, June 26th 2004

Greetings!

Time for this week's Wulf Bytes.
(Lemme' at 'em !)

My mailbox runneth over.

Three cheers for Peter Tridish of the Prometheus Radio Project,
which filed suit to block the implementation of new FCC rules which would
have allowed for insane deregulation and greater media consolidation.
The Federal Appeals Court in Philadelphia ruled 2 - 1 that the FCC
"have to go back and give us better justification for completely rearranging
the entire media ownership rules".
FYI - Michael Powell, chairman of the FCC, just so happens to be Colin Powell's kid.
(Ya' know,...things seem to be a little too cozy on the Hill.)
You can read some of the transcript about it from an interview with Peter Tridish here.

And not a moment too soon -
Stay with me now, 'cause here's the breakdown :

Universal Music International is the world market leader globally in the music business.
Followed by EMI, Sony, and BMG.

Sony and BMG passed a hurdle on June 17th to merge,
positioning them to slug it out with Universal Music International as the #1 music company globally.

In 2003, Universal had a 23.5% share of the market,
and Sony/BMG had an aggregate market share of 25.1%.

Just to give you an idea-

UMI aka Universal Music Group is fed by Maria Carey, Jay-Z, Bon Jovi,
Ryan Adams, Ashanti, Slipknot, Sum 41, Island Records, Def Jam, Decca,
MCA, Mercury, to name a few.

BMG is fed by the likes of Avril Lavigne, Pink, Dido, Britney Spears,
Justin Timberlake, and 'N Sync, the RCA record catalogue, to name a few.
- "BMG had a fantastic year thanks to good repertoire".
- "There has not been much activity on the acquisition side".
(Anybody surprised by this ? )

Sony is fed by Aerosmith, AC/DC, Tory Amos, John Mayer, Barbara Streisand,
Jessica Simpson, Epic, Columbia, and Tri-Star, SEME Ltd, to name a few.

What does this mean ?

With as many medias that are already in bed with each other,
if we're not vigilant about what we, the consumer, really want,
we can pretty much expect to be force-fed more cookie cutter pablum.
At least with Independents holding a 25.3% market share globally,
we might be able to keep ourselves from starving to death.
(Yaaay Us !)
Here's an interesting note:
Did you know that for every 20 bands that form,
only one will survive long enough to play their 10 th gig?
If you made it past 10. Congratulations.
If you didn't,...them's the breaks kid.

Whatever happened to-
David Lee Roth.
Lives in a modest New York Apartment in the Lower East Side.
Taking EMT training and hopes to be certified by November.
"I want to be working in the outer boroughs. On the Upper East Side,
it's gonna be heart attacks and stomachaches.
But in other neighborhoods, it's all trauma".
(Who'da guessed ?)

I've heard from vendors that there's no love lost in the cancellation
of Flopapalooza recently. Apparently they're a pain in the butt to work with.
Too bad for all the artists though. Better luck next time Perry.

And finally for this week -

What's better than a sharp stick in the eye?
How about a lollipop.
Oslo , Norway . David Bowie. Someone threw a sucker and the stick lodged
between David's eyeball and his eyelid. A stagehand helped remove it.
David turned back and shouted "Bastard!", "Coward!", then finished the show.
To David. What a guy.
To the one who did it, Byte Me !

"Think For Yourself" ©
Beowulf

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